The Xpertek Hockey News

Xpertek HC rebounds in style
Management tongue-lashing sends team on two-game win streak

Ottawa – For nearly a full period last night, it looked like Initiation Hockey on the Bob McQuarrie Recreation Centre ice surface. On no less than a dozen occasions, referees were forced to whistle plays dead because players had gone off-side.

It wasn’t pretty.

With little going in the way of momentum, it was difficult for either team to muster any offence in a low-scoring affair that Xpertek HC eventually walked away with by a 2-1 count.

“What the hell were our forwards doing,” wondered defenceman and father-to-be Pierre Bouwhuis. “It’s like they completely lost track of how to play the game. I mean, it’s not friggin’ rocket science.”

“Remind us again about off-side,” said new father and dependable winger John Richardson. “Does the player or the puck have to cross the blueline first?”

“Based on how confused we looked it might have been a better idea to scrap the rules altogether and play with pond hockey abandon instead. Jeezus!”

Despite an early inability to string together two passes in a row or enter the offensive zone with any kind of aplomb, Xpertek HC did eventually manage to open the scoring on a rare occasion where the puck went from tape-to-tape-to-tape without a whistle blown in between.

Streaking through the neutral zone with his distinctive deceptive speed, winger and non-father Adam Hendriks – fresh from a foray deep into South American badlands – dangled his way through a pair of Undead backcheckers before dishing a sweet feed over to childless centre Steve Parker just as the two entered the zone on-side.

Parker carried the puck up the right wing boards, cut towards the net, then saucered a crisp backhand pass over to power forward and three-time procreator Christian Renaud, whose deft touch around the net allowed him to score his second goal in as many games.

It was a beautiful tally that reminded those watching why the OSMHL needs to revisit its asinine one-assist policy.

“Adam started that whole play,” said soon-to-be father of three Marc Baril. “He broke out of the zone. He carried the puck up the ice. He dished it off. Yes, Childless Steve did some good work too, but that set-up in the neutral zone deserved to be recognized on the scoresheet.”

Also not appearing on the scoresheet but worth mentioning is the solid piece of puckstopping work that goaltender Pat Lafontaine put together.

On more than one occasion he was peppered from in close, but each time the ‘father-of-two, only-two, and-not-a-chance-for-more-than-two’ came up with timely saves, some of them worthy of TSN Highlight of the Night contention.

For awhile, it looked like a shutout was in the cards for Lafontaine, but the Undead managed to break the goose-egg with only 50 seconds left in the game.

Hendriks was particularly concerned that he wasn’t properly positioned on the shutout-breaking goal.

“I’ll tell you what. I just spent a week in the Costa Rican rainforest, fighting off critters of all kinds on a mission to disband an army of indigenous small arms dealers who were holding a pack of domesticated monkeys hostage… and to me, dealing with all of that was easier than trying to figure out if I needed to rush the defenceman or cover the low slot after the play got scrambly in the circle.”

“It’s a tough game, this hockey thing. I’m just glad Etienne Dutrisac’s first legitimate goal of the season stood up as the winner,” Hendriks added.


THREE STARS

1. Pat Lafontaine – Solid effort gave Xpertek the win
2. Adam Hendriks – Big first game after heroic honeymoon mission
3. Pierre Bouwhuis – A force to be reckoned with, plain and simple